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Let me remind you of a couple of facts: • God is the author of boundaries—defining the world with boundaries; • He established boundaries on what He would bless, and what He would not bless; • He made each of us unique, with different talents, skills and possibilities; • We have different family backgrounds, values, beliefs and preferences; • It is our responsibility to define our personal and relational values, and reinforce them. Too many people think they can tell others how to live, or that others should automatically respect their preferences.However, we must be very careful about telling others what they should think, feel or do, and likewise, must guard our boundaries carefully so others do not presume they can tell us what to think, feel or do.We could all make guesses as to why he does it, but we’d just be guessing and that is not the point.Practicing what we know about boundaries—not living with paper fences—what is the thing this woman needs to do?Boundaries of another sort are drawn between therapists and clients rather than around them and include therapists self-disclosure, physical contact (i.e., touch), giving and receiving gifts, contact outside of the normal therapy session, use of language, clothing and proximity of therapist and client during sessions.in psychotherapy refers to any situation where multiple roles exist between a therapist and a client.A woman writes: I have a fear of communicating with my husband.In the past two years when I've tried to communicate, he has belittled me, yelled, told me he doesn't care how I feel and that he doesn't love me.

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Some boundaries are drawn around the therapeutic relationships and include concerns with time and place of sessions, fees and confidentiality or privacy.Being clear about our no — and our yes — is a theme that God models and a principle that is taught throughout the Bible (see Matthew ; James ).To speak the truth about a violation is an aspect of justice.But, if you don’t know how to define and maintain your personal and relational boundaries, you’ll be in serious trouble.That was the topic of my last article, concerning living with paper fences.I can think of no more important skill to help us relate in a healthy way than setting boundaries.You can learn healthy communication skills, and that will help.You can learn how to manage conflict—that will be of tremendous value.You can learn to pray and laugh together, and that certainly will have powerful results.For example, telling someone “I don’t like it when you raise your voice at me” gives the person we are speaking to a clear message about how we feel the relationship should be conducted.The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.” It lets others know that we exist apart from them and that we are in control of ourselves.


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