"Now, if you're thinking about your old boyfriend, you can probably find him on Facebook." Plus, online communication makes connection both easier and more intense, more quickly. Culturally, we tend to believe that cheating is having sex with someone other than your spouse, period.
But Vaughan says, "emotional affairs tend to escalate in increments," from e-mails to lunch to drinks.
If you think you can shift the extramarital relationship back to something more innocent, you're probably wrong, says Vaughan.
This is a time when cold turkey is best, she recommends.
Even as it gets more serious, it's still easy to think of it as innocent because it's "only" lunch.
And before you know it, you've got a stack of secrets you're keeping, and an emotional entanglement with someone else.
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Finding out your partner's been emotionally canoodling with someone else makes you think, " The big red flag is the secrecy.
If so, that degree of negativity toward your spouse probably increased its intensity after your affair began.) You have four potential paths before you: 1. However, there are long-term consequences that will come with that choice.
Stay in your marriage while continuing a relationship with your lover, 2. Consequences involving your family, your children, your friends, your religion, your personal beliefs and values, and your spouse.
Perhaps you’ve gone further and the relationship has turned physical.
It may be difficult for you to know exactly how you got into this situation.