most common questions in my e-mail is some variation on this: "How do I find women to have cybersex with? People still seem to believe the internet is full of millions of lonely, socially inept dweebs desperately masturbating with other lonely, socially inept dweebs pretending to be porn stars. Few writers bother to look beyond the fear to find other stories about sex in virtual spaces.
And what television news program wants to report on normal people having a great time visiting and flirting and possibly sharing orgasms – normal people who then log off and go about the rest of their normal lives?
It sounds harsh, but it's what keeps a core of 30 or more regulars returning to the room, week after week."Women have told me they like to come to our room because we don't mess around," he says.
Getting booted is not the end of your cybersex chances.
' and it just doesn't work that way," he says.
"It's the equivalent of walking up to a stranger in a bar and saying 'hey, wanna fuck'?
It could just mean you'd rather engage and relate than zombie-out in front of the television.
What people don't realize is that it's hard to find good sex online if you're a woman, and hard to find sex at all if you're a man.
"When someone gets to know you, they might add you to their (friend) list," he says. I know people who do that all the time, but they don't do it with complete strangers."Kirk has been a member for almost four years, and rarely has cybersex anymore.You're banned for 24 hours, but anyone willing to respect the community standards is welcome to try again."I got bounced out of a room my first day because I didn't know what 'directing' was," Kirk says, laughing."If you ask somebody to do something on their cam, boom, you're out.I've never found that to work."In other words, don't be put off by a tightly knit community where everyone seems to know each other, where the inside jokes and innuendoes fly around as you attempt to introduce yourself.If you're respectful and patient and smart, you'll become a part of it sooner than you think."I enjoy the power trip (of being an admin)," Kirk says, laughing.Women have told him that they prefer to see faces to cocks, so he keeps his camera pointing higher, à la Beautiful Agony.And just so you know, these women aren't saying "I'd rather see your face" to avoid hurting his feelings. But even those of us who delight in dicks want to see your facial expressions, too.One of the dangerous delights of cybersex is that both men and women can form strong emotional ties, regardless of geographical, political, cultural or marital complications offline.If you do fall ass over teakettle for someone you meet online, Kirk suggests confining the "honey baby sugar darling" talk to private sessions.And if you're not willing to make the investment, go to a cam-girl site and pay to play instead.Because I've been an observer but not sexually active online for the past few years, I called up Kirk (not his real name), an administrator in an adults-only webcam community.