"It's my nature to be more quiet, but I don't have to be," he says.Two years later, he won his first professional acting gig, in a stage production of , starring Florence Henderson as Maria.They met about two years ago, at a Playboy Mansion Halloween party.She was dressed as a sexy FBI agent, he as Adolf Hitler, as Hitler would have dressed had he been going to a masquerade ball.He also says, "I've always liked red and black and, since I've been gardening, I've been noticing that I'm liking green more"; "I don't like valet parking, generally"; "I don't really love the sun"; "I tend toward healthiness"; "I like elitism"; and "I feel like I'm interested in monarchies.
He excelled in English, history and creative writing, got along with everybody, and everybody got along with him.He met with the casting director, who asked questions ("What's your name?") and received only mumbles and low talk in return ("...").And he also has a pretty good idea of how any girl he dates should look: "Like they could fit into a period film, so to speak, from the Fifties or the 1920s." Pet trying to make it as an actress, with a period-film va-va-voom body, she and Glover have, she reports, a fairly conventional sex life, because "when some things are good, you don't have to try so hard." She further reports that while Glover is "sexy cool," she wouldn't mind if he "loosened up a little bit."One evening, over dinner with Lauren at the ultra-expensive L' Orangerie restaurant, Glover does most of the talking, soliloquizing in his usual way."On some level, I don't like architecture having to do with minimalls," he says.But the chair, it seems, is not what it is thought to be."It's just not," Glover says, sounding aggrieved. But it's my nature to analyze and think about how things are."It's just an old medical chair I got for probably 0 at the Salvation Army in Santa Monica 19 years ago. If it was a gynecological table, it would have stirrups on it."That noted, he returns to his living room, sits, crosses his long legs, takes a sip of green tea, licks his lips, sighs, giggles his oddly high-pitched, nearly effeminate-hayseed giggle and says, "I must say, I'm exhausted. And there is this element of people thinking, ' Wow, this guy is really psychotic.' It's like, you can't have any fun, and if you do have fun, if you do your own thing, you're considered crazy and should be in a mental institution. hand...."That's a good piece," he says, happily. That's a good one."He's eccentric, all right, and over time the eccentricities keep on piling up.Afterward, the casting director told Bruce Glover that Crispin was too shy to be an actor; and Mr. Glover that he would never ever take Crispin to an audition again.According to Crispin, however, the only problem was that he didn't know you had to be outgoing in an audition.I am truly exhausted." He goes on to delineate a few of his labors, which have included starring in the rat movie , which features both snails and actors with Down syndrome; worrying about the cleaners who are supposed to be here cleaning his pad but aren't; rehashing the ballyhooed Letterman Incident of 1987, in which he aimed a karate-type kick at the host's head, thus cementing what the public generally thinks of him: fruitcake; occasionally going out on dates with his alluring, huskyvoiced, actress/ Pet girlfriend, Alexa Lauren, but most often staying home with her in bed, watching movies; importing absinthe into the country; dealing with the hassle of repairing his 1953 Bentley R-type convertible; and fending off inquiries into his childhood ("I didn't have a lot of emotional problems or anything like that"; nor was he a bed-wetter; nor did he have eroticized feelings for his mother — that he can recall) that inevitably lead him to cast his eyes toward his fireplace and what hangs on the wall above it."Those! Now, that's what I find creepy."In years past, Glover has appeared on film with cockroaches in his underpants (David Lynch's writer Neal Jimenez thought Glover's wackadoo performance ruined his movie and only recently admitted that, in fact, it made the movie. He has no TV anywhere in his house or, as he sometimes likes to put it atmospherically, "I receive no incoming television signals." he says, rattling a longish, bony finger at a case containing his infamous collection of wax eyeballs, made in the 1800s to instruct and edify physicians. They are wax replications of diseased eyeballs."He shifts in his seat, letting the hair thus split drift to the floor."I can tell people really do wonder with me," he goes on. But somehow it's like that with Glover: You appreciate him best in retrospect, looking back at whatever creature he has created. He has self-published four books, surreal reassemblages of Victorian-era how-to texts, with titles such as ; his mother, Betty Glover, who helps him sell the books, reports that when schoolteachers tell her they use her son's books in class, she always thinks, "Oh, my God." He doesn't tell jokes, because he doesn't think jokes are funny.